One thing I have always noticed about New York City is that the cause of all stress while trying to drive in the city is caused by the cops and the cabbies.
The cab drivers are all idiots who wouldn’t know how to drive a nail with a hammer, let alone the Crown Vics, Edges, and Altimas that they are currently driving through NYC. These idiots don’t use their turn signals, barrel their way across several lanes of traffic, hit whatever they want (including me, as happened this morning) and act like they don’t understand a single word you say when they are in the wrong.
Well, that last part might be true. I doubt a single cab driver in the city is actually a citizen of the United States.
But these idiots make life completely miserable on the streets of NYC. Fortunately, the accident that happened this morning wasn’t too bad. No real damage to the truck, other than some yellow paint deposits that can be buffed off.
And the cabbies are not the only ones!
I have discovered that the NYPD traffic cops have no freaking clue what the hell they are doing. You see them standing in the middle of the intersection looking bored out of their skulls (or maybe just looking like they have the IQ of a box of rocks) waving traffic through intersections that are obviously not passable.
For instance, this morning I was motioned by a traffic cop to enter into an intersection that I could not get out of. If the light changed, I would be blocking traffic. I hesitated to enter the intersection, even though the traffic cop was waving me through. And you could see that the more I waited, the more pissed she got. So finally, I pulled into the intersection, and sure enough, I ended up blocking traffic from the cross street.
This is when the stupid woman knocks on my window and starts yelling at me because I was blocking traffic.
When I pointed out that she was the one who put me into that position, she denied it, saying she had done no such thing.
Well, I lied to her. I told her that my truck was equipped with hidden cameras and microphones and recorded everything that happened around the truck 24 hours a day, therefore I had a video recording of her waving me into the position I was in, and if she wanted to make a federal case out of it, I would be more than happy to show the video to whatever judge or jury we ended up in front of. And once I had proven my innocence to the court, I was going to sue her personally for reckless endangerment of my life by making me pull into an intersection that I could not get out of because she wasn’t paying attention to what was really happening with the traffic around her.
She called me a fucking bastard and stormed away.
So, now you see why I call the cops and cabbies of NYC Chaos and Crashes.
For those of you who might not know it, I am a full-time college student. This semester I happen to be taking my very first foreign language class: French!
